


His Saving Grace

by VerityGrahams



Series: The Houses Competition - Year Six - Gryffindor [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape Friendship, Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Minor Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape, Taking the dark mark, Wakes & Funerals, Young Severus Snape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:15:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25669543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VerityGrahams/pseuds/VerityGrahams
Summary: Lily needed a moment to get away from the antics of her possible future husband and his eccentric friends. Despite her desire to leave Cokeworth, she missed her mother and father, and she had received a letter from them earlier in the day. Lily had just been waiting for a quiet moment to indulge in it.The envelope was surprisingly thin, and when she opened it, there was just a small note and a newspaper clipping.The note said, 'Your friend needs you.'Lily knew what her mother meant; Severus needed her.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape, Marauders & Lily Evans Potter, Severus Snape & Tobias Snape
Series: The Houses Competition - Year Six - Gryffindor [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1735684
Kudos: 73





	His Saving Grace

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I do not own Harry Potter
> 
> Written for The Houses Competition
> 
> House: Gryffindor
> 
> Position: Potions
> 
> Category: Standard
> 
> Prompt: [Event] Funeral
> 
> Wordcount: 2732
> 
> Notes:
> 
> Rat-arsed is British slang for very drunk
> 
> There are a few things Severus states about his father that are intentionally mirrored to things he will do; this is more to show the level of self-loathing that he will feel once 'canon' starts.

The little cottage at Godric's Hollow was always full of life; how could it not be with all four Marauders living there? Lily loved it. She loved getting away from Cokeworth, from her sister who hated her, and from the bittersweet memories of a long-lost friend.

They were celebrating. All five of them had been invited and joined The Order of the Phoenix, an organisation led by Albus Dumbledore. Its goal was to fight and defeat Voldemort and his Death Eaters. The drinks were flowing because that's the kind of party that Sirius Black and James Potter liked. Peter Pettigrew was passed out in the garden, and had been for some time. Remus was a little more sober but fairly giggly. Sirius and James were, well, rat-arsed. Lily was just their sober companion.

Lily needed a moment to get away from the antics of her possible future husband and his eccentric friends. Despite her desire to leave Cokeworth, she missed her mother and father, and she had received a letter from them earlier in the day. Lily had just been waiting for a quiet moment to indulge in it.

The envelope was surprisingly thin, and when she opened it, there was just a small note and a newspaper clipping.

The note said, ' _Your friend needs you.'_

Lily knew what her mother meant; Severus needed her. Her mother had never approved of their falling out. Rose Evans had a bleeding heart, and all she saw was a boy with an angry drunk for a father and no friends.

 _She doesn't understand,_ Lily thought.

It had been a constant argument between them. Her mother simply didn't get that the choices _he_ was making cut her off from him forever. It had very little to do with a lack of affection for Severus.

" _Good people make bad decisions._ " her mother would say.

Lily finally braved the newspaper clipping. It was an obituary. ' _Eileen and Tobias Snape: gone but not forgotten_.'

There was no explanation of how or when they died, just that they had. There was a funeral, and she knew Severus would have to face it alone. There was a twinge of sadness, and she contemplated going to him — just this once. Then she remembered the decisions he had made and all the chances he had ruined: chances from her and chances from others.

_You and your precious little Death Eater friends — you see, you don't even deny it!_

She threw the note and the clipping in a drawer. He had made his choice; she had to continue to make hers.

* * *

The next morning, the group sat around the table while Lily served breakfast. She was a far better cook than the four of them put together.

"Peter, get us some knives and forks, would you," Sirius said.

"I would, but the room's still spinning."

"Bloody lightweight." Sirius laughed as he hobbled over to the drawer and pulled out some cutlery.

He noticed the note shoved in the back of the drawer and picked it up.

Lily reached for the note. "That can be thrown out."

Sirius waltzed back over to his seat. "Is it a secret love note?" He winked at James, whose head was in his hands. "Your friend needs you?" That's when he read the obituary. "Snivelly's parents are dead?"

"What?" James asked. "How do you know that?"

Sirius showed the note and article to James.

"My mother sent it. She thinks I should go, but obviously I can't. We know what he's a part of."

"Always knew he would be rotten," Sirius said. "It's a shame Moony didn't eat him when he had the chance."

"Padfoot!" James snatched the clipping away, glaring at his friend.

Remus' chair scraped across the floor as he left. "Not hungry." He slammed the door behind him.

"What was that about?"

James begrudgingly told her the story of what Sirius had done during their fifth year; how he had saved Severus, and how it had taken Remus a long time to finally forgive him. Finally, how Albus Dumbledore had sworn Severus to secrecy, practically letting Sirius off scot-free.

Her mother's words echoed in her mind: _Good people make bad decisions._

"How was he supposed to pick the right side, James? You and your friends practically herded him towards the Death Eaters!" She took the clippings and marched up to the bedroom.

* * *

Lily stood outside Cokeworth Baptist Church, wondering why she had come. Things hadn't changed. Severus still chose a life that would relish in her death and the deaths of countless others. However, the story she had heard left her feeling guilty and like he might need a second chance. There was also a small shred of hope.

"I didn't think that you'd come."

Lily looked to her side, and there was her mother, waiting. "Neither did I."

"He's your oldest friend—"

"— _was_ my oldest friend. Things have changed too much; he—he's not that boy anymore."

"He just needs someone to show him he has a choice." Rose walked through the tall wooden doors of the modest church, leaving Lily with more doubt than before.

She followed her mother inside the church, which was almost empty. She glanced around; at the front, there was a framed photograph of the couple. Neither of them looked happy in the picture of their wedding day. Eileen's face was plumper than Lily remembered, and she clutched her stomach. Eileen and Tobias had married out of necessity; the expression on his face said it all.

The church was decorated in asphodels. Lilies were considered a flower for funerals, but rarely did anyone choose the asphodel. _Severus would_ , she thought. Lily sat at the back, watching and waiting.

A haunting melody played and the small, somewhat disinterested, the congregation stood. Lily watched the pallbearers carry the coffins down the aisle, one after the other. Severus stood at the front, supporting one of the coffins. Lily knew that must be Eileen; Severus wouldn't have been willing to carry Tobias, not after everything he had done.

Tobias and Eileen were placed at the front as a minister started the ceremony. Lily hardly paid attention; her gaze was fixed on Severus, who sat at the front, alone.

"We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of Tobias and Eileen Snape, beloved husband and wife, and parents to their only child, Severus Snape.

"In David's Psalm, in the thirty-fourth chapter, it says, ' _The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.'_ Let us remember these words as we grieve such a tragic loss and know that we are under the shadow of his wing.

"Join me now in the Lord's Prayer."

Lily stood, and tentatively walked down the far side of the church until she reached the pew where Severus sat. She watched him; his face was focused intently on the front of the church, his jaw rigid. She slid across the bench, her hand resting next to his. She glanced down at his hand; they were bigger than hers, and the whites of his knuckles could be seen as he gripped his seat.

He only noticed her presence when her hand was gently placed over his. He turned to face her, and their eyes met; she had never seen him look so haunted or broken. Then, in a flash, the emotionless facade was back.

Lily didn't say anything; she just interlaced her fingers with his.

A tear pooled in his dark, seemingly uncaring eyes, and he nodded in brief acknowledgement.

"Stand for our first hymn, Amazing Grace, which shares the story of the gospel and the love of the Lord Jesus Christ, our saviour, which is freely given to all."

Lily and Severus stood, and the melody washed over them. There were so few people in the church that she could hear Severus' quiet voice break over the words.

" _Was Grace that taught my heart to fear_

_And Grace, my fears relieved_

_How precious did that Grace appear_

_The hour I first believed"_

Severus pulled out a small flask and took a sip. The more they sang about forgiveness and wretched deeds, the more his voice began to slur.

"Now, we will hear from Severus Snape, the only son of Eileen and Tobias Snape."

"Severus, you're drunk!" Lily whispered.

Severus held up the silver hip flask. "In honour of _Daddy Dearest_. I'm sure he would have approved."

Severus stood up shakily and walked to the front of the altar. There was a huge contrast between the sombre occasion and the decadent altar backed with a glorious stained glass window; it depicted Jesus on the cross and his disciples mourning their loss, just as Severus did now.

He looked very much like the little boy that she had known all those years ago, only now he was grown and wore clothes that fit. This only increased the guilt she felt and the feeling that maybe he really did just need to be given the choice. He took another sip from the silver hip flask and pulled out a roll of parchment.

"Mother and Tobias died last Tuesday," he began. "I didn't find out until Thursday. I never saw either of them, not anymore." Severus looked at the coffins, his expression as controlled as always. "I'm sorry, Mother, you deserved more.

"If I had been there, maybe it wouldn't have happened. The official cause of death is a 'car accident,' but we all know what happened. _Tobias_ happened. A bottle of whiskey and a refusal to walk home happened.

"The coroner, in his discretion, didn't highlight the broken bones she had, breaks that couldn't be attributed to the car crash. After all, we shan't speak ill of the dead.

"In recent years, I have discovered that I have as many demons as Tobias, but I will never truly be like him. I could never cause the death of the woman I profess to love. In my mind, there isn't enough grace to save a _wretch_ like you.

"This Eulogy isn't _for_ you. It's for her; it's my apology because I should have saved her from you a long time ago. To the living we owe respect, but to the dead we only owe the truth. That's all I have for you, _Father."_

Lily could only sit and watch, horrified by his last words to his parents. There were gasps from the crowd; Lily wondered if they were shocked that it was being said, or if they ever knew what Tobias had really been like. She imagined that he would regret them, one day. She knew though, Severus wouldn't. His father had done too much. He had beaten the hope and faith out of Severus before he was even in his teens.

"Mother," Severus choked, "it would be easier to go on an angry tirade about him, but you deserve so much more. You were a mother that protected a child more than any other. You were the only gentle hand I knew, for a long time anyway." Severus' glance landed on Lily, just for a second. "You gave me my love of learning, my love of books and academia. You taught me strength as I have never seen it, control and composure. You were dignified in a life that was undignified. Your life was made what it was by others, but you never let them see you flinch.

"I swear, if revenge could bring you back, I would have it. If I could turn back time, I would find a way to make you safe. I failed you because I ran away. When the roles were reversed, you ran to me, protected me from a man that should have been a father. I love you. I will always hold you in my heart."

Severus stumbled back to his seat where he reached for Lily's hand. He clutched it tightly throughout the rest of the service.

* * *

Lily walked with him to the gravesite. Her hand never left his. The minister continued the service, declaring scripture, praying for forgiveness and the hope that they would be in a better place. Lily could sense Severus' indifference to what he considered to be a ceremony that did not represent him or his mother in any way. This was a funeral dictated by someone else; Severus would never have their graves side by side.

The minister called for those attending to say their last farewell, and that was when Severus let go. He wobbled over to his father's grave and placed the silver hip flask on the top of his coffin.

"A little something to make hell bearable." He turned to the grave beside it, and for the first time, a faint, sad smile appeared on his face. "I'm sorry," he whispered, placing a single stem of asphodel on her coffin.

Severus leant over the coffin, resting his head against the dark, polished wood. His hand caressed the wood in a desperate attempt to bring some comfort to her, wherever she was.

Lily paid her respects, and she stood with Severus as they watched everyone else pay their respects too, including Rose Evans. Lily couldn't help but think it was sad that Tobias had been somewhat neglected, but today of all days, she saw the damage that he had done to his only son.

* * *

After the funeral, she stood by Severus as he was forced to accept condolences by her grave, and wait for everyone to leave. As the last of the mourners left, Severus began to lose his balance. She wrapped her arm around his waist, supporting his weight.

Severus slumped to the floor, his head smacking the concrete path by the graveside with a hard thud. She quickly pulled him back to his feet, and they stumbled to a bench that looked over his parents' headstones. He seemed almost catatonic, refusing to engage with the world. Lily sat beside him in silence.

She hadn't realised how long they had been sitting until the ominous ringing of the church bells tolled.

"Sev..." Lily began.

"You know, the only thing I got to decide for this whole affair was the flowers. He had everything set in stone, in his will, for the pair of them. I think he thought singing Amazing Grace would absolve him of his sins."

Lily said nothing. There was nothing that could be said. Sometimes, all a friend could do was listen.

"He was one of _those_ drunks. Drink, beat, pray." Then, as if nothing had ever changed between them, he leaned into her embrace. "Rinse and repeat."

"The asphodels were a wonderful touch."

Severus didn't respond to that. They sat together, quiet once more, listening to the breeze in the trees.

"Why did you come?" he asked finally.

"You shouldn't have to go through this alone. I highly doubt your new friends would go to a Muggle funeral."

It was silent once more. She had inadvertently drawn attention to the chasm that existed between them, magnified by their positions now. The choice to ignore the differing sides of the war was undone, and so they had to face the fact that they were no longer friends, not really. They were enemies.

Lily knew she would have to be the one to break the silence. Severus wouldn't; he was too stubborn.

"I know what they did in fifth year," she said. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He huffed. "Albus Dumbledore wouldn't want any of his precious Gryffindors to get into trouble now, would he? Besides, what difference does that make?"

Lily turned to him and took his hands in hers. "No one ever let you know you had a choice, Sev. You do. I know what they did, but that doesn't mean that _Voldemort_ —"

"—Don't say the name!"

"My point is that he isn't your only option. I'm sorry I turned you away; I should have let you know you have options. I should have been there for you."

"It's too late. I can't unpick my side."

He lifted his sleeve, and she saw an ugly tattoo. The black ink formed the Dark Mark: a skull and serpent. Severus was now branded.

Her lip trembled, and the tears that she had been holding back all day began to fall. "I'm so sorry."

"For what? My loss?"

She reached to her side, cradling him in her arms. "For everything."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading


End file.
